Those toxic people know how to push your buttons!

How Does That Snarky Friend Do It?

Holding her bouquet of long stems from her latest conquest, she flaunts her relationship status over you. BUT not before ending the conversation with one find insult.

You walk away, feeling deflated, hurt, and probably angry. Maybe you even apologized at some point at some point. How does she always seem to know exactly which buttons to push?

Hours later, after replaying the verbal ambush in your head a hundred times, you come up with the PERFECT comebacks. Great. Congratulations! You’ve just won, and also wasted four hours or more of your life.

Healthy Boundaries

We teach our children all about physical personal space, right? We draw a chalk circle around their scuffed-up sneakers to tell them only certain people can cross the line and only with their permission.

As grown-ups, we may recall this life lesson. But do we apply that to ourselves? And for this discussion, to our psyche?

Soul Space

I want to talk about your Soul Space. Your Inner Knowing. That authentic part of you resides in your heart and emanates out to a four-foot radius.

Are you aware it’s YOUR BIRTHRIGHT to rule who does or does not cross that imaginary chalk line?

“By speaking more straightforwardly and clearly, you can showcase your skills and feel more confident in the process,” - Catherine Castrillon, Forbes Magazine.

A trip to the water cooler or even a family reunion can be booby-trapped like an emotional mind field. It’s common to step into events completely unprepared. Imagine a football player catching the ball only to stand still as the opposing team stampedes him to the turf.

Proactive and Powerful Steps:

Game Plan

Design a game plan that starts with healthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries are not walls. They make you and others aware of your personal space, how you hold yourself – chin up, shoulders back – and how you will react when all-too-familiar buttons get pushed.

“Setting healthy boundaries requires you to assert your needs and priorities as a form of self-care.” Jo Nash, Ph.D, Positive Psychology

Decide BEFORE you arrive how you’ll react. As an intuitive being, and most likely an empath, you can read a room the minute you arrive.

When that snarky colleague suggests your singlehood status tells a lot about your lack of success, how will you react? What if a boozy uncle starts to flirt as you both reach for a tonic, what’s your response?

Deflecting and Deflating

A first step can be to either deflect a comment by pointing out something else happening or deflate the situation by excusing yourself.

Exit Strategy

Mapping out your exit strategy enables you to stay calm and in control. Depending upon the risk to yourself, define your response. Practice empowering phrases in the mirror. Before a panic attack or other emotional explosion detonates, decide how you will proactively take care of yourself.

Pivot Statements:

Thanks for taking such an interest in my life. At this time I’m focusing on other projects.
We’re done here.
Not today. I’ve got other plans.
Give it a rest.
Nice try, but I’m not biting.

I Do My Hair Toss, Check My Nails

Valentine’s Day is all about relationships and the one we have with the person in the mirror is THE MOST IMPORTANT one.

So, the next time Snarky Colleague approaches, stand your ground, speak your mind, and like Lizzo sings,

“Walk your fine ass out the door.”

Note: If you feel you are in physical or emotional danger – to any degree – contact an authority figure such as a supervisor, Human Resources representative, or police. The purpose of this article is to provide advice for non-violent situations.

About Susan and 3C Clarity
Susan Tompkins is an Intuitive Life Coach, creator of Energy Art, and self-declared Sacred Rebel. The 3Cs of Clarity — circles, coaching, and change are offered to help Women live their Best Life. Inspired by Maine’s woods and waters, Susan conducts workshops, healing circles, 1:1 coaching sessions, and guided meditations for those seeking clarity.

Toxic Relationships